Just Because I Need To Pour Out Thoughts

As expected, today was tough. McTaggart's memorial service was at 10:00 am in State College, Pennsylvania - which also just happened to be the focus of the college football world this weekend because of the Penn State-Ohio State game. I got up at 2:30 am, shaved, dressed, and loaded my black suit into the truck. I've always loved misty autumn nights and driving, and I got five hours' worth of both on the way up. All the time I needed for quiet reflection, which was a plus.

One of my friends, Ben, was the only one awake to greet me when I arrived at the house. We hadn't seen each other for about a month, so we chatted a bit about what each of us has been up to. And naturally we talked about Andrew and Jessie, the signs that perhaps we should've seen, and what we can do to help Jessie deal with her feelings of guilt. Then I excused myself to grab a short nap.

The service was poorly organized, yet poignant. About thirty people showed for the memorial service, only six of us from DC. Without any true family members present, Jessie was the only natural person to distract the rest of us from our own grief. There was an open casket. However unproductive it would've been, I wanted to chew out the people at the funeral home for the shoddy job they'd done preparing Andrew for viewing - the makeup they used made his skin look the color of over-roasted, unsalted peanuts and he had as much of a five o' clock shadow as his babyface could muster. In a nice touch, the Australian embassy had donated a ceremonial flag in honor of his military service. Some guy with a German accent - I still have no idea who he was - seemed to be in charge of the proceedings, but he himself apparently had no clear idea of what he was doing. I did sing "Just As I Am". I think it was the right choice. After the service, we milled about, wrote messages for Andrew's family, and finally filtered out for the trip home.

When I got back to the house, I didn't feel like talking to anyone or going anywhere. I didn't even really feel like watching football. Instead, I ended up binging on iTunes. Spent much more money than I should've, but I'm happy with my selections and I'm feeling rebellious enough at present that I don't care if I'm busting my entertainment budget. For the record, if you have any appreciation for bluegrass I demand that you immediately purchase This Side, Nickel Creek's album from 2002. It's music that really sounds like home to me.

This upcoming weekend, I'll be flying out to Texas for my five-year college reunion. I'm really looking forward to the trip, and I'm hopeful that it will provide a counter-balance to the frustration of recent weeks.