Junebug
A few days ago I had the pleasure of watching Junebug, a movie about a refined, cosmopolitan art dealer from Chicago who marries (one week after meeting him) a handsome, enigmatic Southerner. She catches wind of a talented "outsider" artist (let's just say he's obsessed with the Civil War and male genetalia) who lives nearby her husband's family in North Carolina. They decide that they will travel down together so that, in addition to trying to sign the artist, she will finally get to meet his family. The movie is about what happens when this sophisticated woman is introduced to the small-town, conservative world in which her husband grew up.
I liked the movie for several reasons. First off, its one of the few films I've seen that captures the atmosphere of small-town Southern families without being too stereotypical or condescending. I thought that every one of the characters felt... authentic. As the movie played out, I could totally see folks from back home (and sometimes even myself) fitting neatly into the behaviors and emotions that were playing out on the screen. The result was that I could really feel for these characters - each one of them in their own way. It was sometimes funny, sometimes wrenching, sometimes frustrating, but always peculiarly beautiful.
And now is the time in this post for me to be vulnerable and revealing...
Junebug illustrated one of my own personal fears. Like the art dealer's husband, I'm a local-boy-made-good that moved off to the big city. Like the art dealer's husband, I'm sometimes terrified of what the implications would be if I were to meet an accomplished, refined woman and were faced with taking her home for the first time. Don't get me wrong, my immediate family is much more cultured than many middle-class Southern folks - but we aren't world-travellers and we don't tend to rub elbows with people at the top levels of society. I know that (despite years of working up to my current position) I still frequently feel awkward speaking to politicos, diplomats, and other movers-and-shakers - so that's likely to be amplified several times over for my parents and siblings who have all stayed close to home. I imagine it would be very difficult for them (as it sometimes is for me) to know precisely how to relate to someone whose parents were enormously successful and who grew up in high society.
But - more selfishly - I live in mortal terror of meeting a woman that I think is wonderful, only to have her meet my family and decide that we're all a bunch of yokels, however sweet and well-intentioned we might be. I suppose that's my bigger concern. Not that I or my family might have a tough time relating to her, but rather that she would make a decision that it wasn't worth her while to even try to relate to us. I'm sure that this somehow provides fodder for psychoanalysis, so I'll leave it at that.
posted by Pelagius @ 7:06 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
I honestly think that the right girl will love your family. I was terrified of having Carl meet my family, but it went rather well and though Carl and I both have "interesting" families, we seem to be able to accept each others families and love them as our own. My two cents, for what it's worth . . .
All families are nuts.
I kind of had the opposite experience meeting Mike's family--not that I am super sophisticated or anything, but I was nervous about meeting them and them thinking I was stuck up or something.
The town he grew up in rural Illinois is nothing like the one I grew up in. His parents still live on a couple of acres of land, don't have animals anymore, but Mike grew up taking care of their goats and mowing their land. I grew up in Florida with no pets, and a yard that we thought was a decent size. His parents are also much older than mine, but were so sweet and laid-back--kind of like grandparents. Mine aren't tightly wound or anything (ok, so my dad isn't), but they had strong opinions about my life and what they wanted for me. There was always a sense of hiearchy in the family; when Mike talks on the phone to his parents, he regularly makes fun of them--but that is one of the things they do--totally blows my mind. My parents would slap me across the face if I said any one of the things he says to his parents. :)
All of his relatives and family friends were so kind and I had an amazing time there in May. It was such a relaxing atmosphere. I remember telling Mike that I felt more comfortable at times at his parents house than I did at my own.
Hearing Mike talk about his relatives (this girl got knocked up by her boyfriend who is now in prison, this other girl is pregnant again and is on a different boyfriend...etc.) made me realize how different our growing up was--it's interesting to see how that influences the person you are today.
I agree with Carl...All Families are nuts...but that's what makes them families.
I too have these same fears of finding a man and taking him home to meet the folks. And as evidenced by the drama I experienced today with my brother and his fiancee and some other long story junk...I have plenty to fear. :) Well at least I'll know what to expect.
Hey Dave...I agree with Margie. It's always difficult meeting people who come from a wildly different culture and background than you. Somehow though, I think that even if the girl you bring home is very different, she will still grow to love your roots and family even if she doesn't seem to fit perfectly. I guess you just have to decide if your differences are bearable. And some aren't. At least in my opinion.
One other thing...all families are goofy. It's always an adjustment to get used to one another. You'll be fine.
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